A funny thing happened

Today my parents took me out to lunch for my birthday. We went to my Dad`s favorite restaurant. He is friends with all the employees, its just a small restaurant. They have the best Mexican food ever. Anyways we get seated and my Dad went to talk to the cook and tell him what he wanted to eat. The cook makes things that are not on the menu for my Dad. While he is talking to the cook one of the waitresses is talking to my Mom and me. My Mom tells her it is my birthday. She asked me how old I was. I know that I look younger than I am and I thought that it would be fun to see how old people think I am. So I asked her how old she thought I was. She thought about it for a minute. She finally looked at me and said...16. I had to laugh at her. WOW I knew that I looked young but that young... I said nope. She said, 17. When I told her I was a lot older than that her eyes went wide. So she said 20 thinking that I was really 16. I finally told her I was 28 she didn't believe me.

My Mom and I got a real kick out of it. She was so funny. She started calling me little girl. When I told her I have 4 children she was amazed. She has seen my oldest in the restaurant with my parents before so when my Mom told her that was my oldest all she said was wow. She sure gave me a good laugh.

Last night at 9:02pm Mat called me to tell me happy eastern time zone, (he is back east right now), birthday. It was so sweet. It made me feel so good to have him think of something like that. Its the little things that really make the difference.

I`ve come to a conclusion

I`ve come to a conclusion. I have decided that it IS ok to ask for help once in a while, or have other people watch my children. I have never been very good at asking people for help or finding someone to watch my children so I could get out. I never wanted to bother people feeling that I would be a pain in doing so.

The last few weeks I have been in a really bad place. Not knowing what to do with Jordin. Feeling like I was going crazy. Always being stressed. I use to think that if I had other people watch my kids, not only would I be a pain in doing so, but I wouldn't be a good Mother. But I wasn't a good Mother when I was walking around so stressed out and so crazy that I couldn't see straight. I didn't realise how bad I had been until yesterday. There is NOTHING wrong with having some time to myself and more importantly, NOT feeling guilty about it. I deserve it. I work hard all day, every day.

After getting out and spending some time alone with Mat I look back and can see a complete difference in myself. I am so much more patient with Jordin, I don't lose my temper as easily. I can see now that I was all wrong in my thinking that I would be a bad parent by taking time to myself. I was a bad parent by NOT taking time for myself. So from now on I am going to try to get out once a week by myself and I`m not going to feel guilty about it.

I feel much better!

Last night Mat and I drove to Bellingham and stayed the night. It was so nice to get away from the kids. I really needed it. This morning when I woke up I took a shower and didnt have to worry about how long Iwas in there. I just stood there for a while and thought how nice is this. No kids banging on the door, yelling that they need something. After we were ready for the day we went out for breakfast. No kids yelling or fighting. It was wonderful.

We drove to Vancouver B.C. I had to wait for Mat to get through customs so I saw a store and went in it and looked around. When I was done I needed to go meet up with Mat. I couldnt figure out how to get out with out going through customs to get into the US. I ended up having to back up about 50 feet or so because I was going to wrong way. I had to get out of the van and move a cone so I could get back where I had been. I cant believe that I did that. It was so funny. We had such a good day. It is so beautiful there. We took some great pictures.

I am so grateful that I was able to go. I really needed to get away. I feel much better now and feel that I can be a better Mother to my children. They deserve to have a good, sane mother.

Excited

I am so excited today. I am getting ready to go to Vancouver B.C. with Mat tonight. After the kids get home from school I am taking them out to my parents house to drop them off. Then I`m off to meet Mat in Bellingham for the night. Then early tomorrow we are going to drive the rest of the way to B.C. I had hoped to stay in B.C. tonight but Mat will have had a long day. He is still 12 or so hours from home. So to make it there tonight would make a really long day for him but that is ok. It will be nice to get away from the kids and just have time alone with Mat. Unfortunately we wont have a long time but we`ll still have fun.

It`s been a good day/Vancouver B.C.

I have been having such a hard time going to church lately. I have a wonderful lady who helps me with my kids. She is such a blessing to be. I don't know what I would do with out her. But it is still so hard to go to church. My children do not behave themselves. I don't get anything out of going. The only reason I go is because I know that that is where I need to be. I had such a hard time today at church. I cant tell you how many times I had to blink my tears back today. This morning went by so smoothly that we were ready about 15 minutes before we had to leave. It was so nice. I never have that happen. I thought, surely this is going to be a good day. Little did I know. I get to church and everything goes down hill from there. After I got home and put Brooklyn and Jordin in bed I was able to sit down and relax a little. My brother and his girlfriend came over for a few minutes. It was nice to have them here and visit with them. Things went better after they left. Jordin woke up from his nap, had lunch and went to his friends house to play. He was there until we were ready to go to my parents house. Brooklyn woke up and was really good. Today went better than I had expected. I was relieved. It was so nice not being as stressed as I usually am.

I am excited, Tuesday evening I am going to follow Mat to Vancouver B.C. We are going to spend the night there. In the morning Mat will deliver his last truck and we will be able to spend a couple hours in B.C. It will be so nice to get away for awhile. I have never been to Canada before. So I`m really excited to go. I have heard that B.C. is beautiful this time of the year. Mat and I rarely get out together so this will be nice getting out like this. He will be driving his truck up there so we wont be together driving up there. Once the truck gets delivered we will be together.