I`ve come to a conclusion

I`ve come to a conclusion. I have decided that it IS ok to ask for help once in a while, or have other people watch my children. I have never been very good at asking people for help or finding someone to watch my children so I could get out. I never wanted to bother people feeling that I would be a pain in doing so.

The last few weeks I have been in a really bad place. Not knowing what to do with Jordin. Feeling like I was going crazy. Always being stressed. I use to think that if I had other people watch my kids, not only would I be a pain in doing so, but I wouldn't be a good Mother. But I wasn't a good Mother when I was walking around so stressed out and so crazy that I couldn't see straight. I didn't realise how bad I had been until yesterday. There is NOTHING wrong with having some time to myself and more importantly, NOT feeling guilty about it. I deserve it. I work hard all day, every day.

After getting out and spending some time alone with Mat I look back and can see a complete difference in myself. I am so much more patient with Jordin, I don't lose my temper as easily. I can see now that I was all wrong in my thinking that I would be a bad parent by taking time to myself. I was a bad parent by NOT taking time for myself. So from now on I am going to try to get out once a week by myself and I`m not going to feel guilty about it.